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Funny Stories
Rope a deer
Actual  letter from someone who farms, He writes well and has tried this:
I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then  eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. they are easy as finding rabbits, I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet  away), Hey sweet as a lop, it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then  hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.  The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.  They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just  stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist   and twisted the end so
I would have a good hold.
The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it  was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the  rope ..,
and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start  pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for  pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with  some dignity. A deer-- no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no  controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked  me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it  occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that theydo not have as much stamina as many other animals.
A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I  had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that   devil creature
off the end of that rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its  neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the  time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess
that the feeling was mutual.
> Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I  had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a  small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my  truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started  moving up so
I could get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite?
They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a   deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ... I  reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my   wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull.. They bite HARD and  it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.
> It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several  minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter  than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now),  tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my  right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up  on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago  that, when an animal --like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try  to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the  animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can  escape.
This was not a horse.. This was a deer, so obviously, such  trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised  a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn  and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance  that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so   different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and  3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not  immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger  has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and  down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went  away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a  bow or rifle with a scope
to sort of even the odds...
All these events are true so help me God... An Educated, Bruised   and Bleeding Rancher......
who now is going to raise Rabbits.

Funny Joke____________________________________
               In Florida, an atheist created a case   against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days.  He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews  
and observances of their holy days.

              The argument was that it was  unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
              The case was brought before a judge.
               After listening to  the passionate presentation by the lawyer,                        
                    the judge banged his gavel declaring,  "Case dismissed!"                     

                                   The lawyer   immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how                can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have   Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur  and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

              The judge leaned forward in his chair saying,
"But you do. as he spoke to the atheist " Your lawyer is woefully ignorant."
              The lawyer said,   "Your Honor, we are not aware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
                           The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st  and it's  April Fools Day..    

                        Then  Quoting  Psalm 14:1 states,  'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.
              ' Thus,  it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is  no God,
 then he is a fool.  Therefore, April 1st is his day.
              Court is adjourned.
  The True Seven Wonders

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